The Struggles of Life

I wish I could honestly say that the reason I haven't posted in three weeks is because of my oldest daughter's college graduation, or driving to pick up my youngest daughter from college, or getting the cabins ready for both of their returns home, or...... .  But that would not be completely truthful.  The other reason is that I let a family disagreement fester until it created separation in our relationship, and that turned to silence, and that led to a feeling of emptiness.  Then I went into coping mode. Sure, I functioned, and said the right things, but inside there was nothingness.  No joy, no peace, no insights when reading scripture, no closeness in prayer, and very little progress in any area of life.

I write this only out of obligation.  If I was only writing a private journal, I would stop and pick it up when things in life were 'good' again.  But I've committed to keeping a public record (sorry for the discouraging account of my results!) until either I'm certain that the fully engaged life I see in the Bible isn't possible in today's society, or I start consistently living what I believe.  So, I'll seek to find the Path again.  I've begun to make amends with the person I had the conflict with, and hopefully / prayerfully, there will be oneness in that relationship again...soon. Maybe, if I keep up this blog better, I will have the courage to post in the midst of problems, instead of when I start to 'right the ship'.

Plan:  Read over my early posts where the path in life seemed so clear.  Pray that the Holy Spirit shows me how I could have turned the conflict into a blessing early in the process.  Ask the other person in the conflict to do the same. (Hey, I believe that one came from the Holy Spirit since it just popped into my mind.)  Get together with them and see how we can implement what we've learned, and get in agreement of how to handle future situations before they fester and become conflict.

OK, here's committing to a new post on this plan by Sunday.

Failure It Is

This will be a short post.  I promised to give weekly updates on my attempt to live a more disciplined life, and any changes in life that appear to come from it.  I set my goal of spending no more than 15 minutes each day on social media / surfing the internet.  I must report that my attempt has only been that, an attempt.  I really had no idea how much time I spent / wasted.

My plan has been useful.  I have been made aware of how I'm spending my time.  I have prayed much more than usual. (I haven't started any new good works though.) And even though I failed, I'm encouraged to keep moving towards the goal.  I'm even finding that I have less desire for information!

So, there it is, confession...they say it is good for the soul...we shall see!

A 'Spiritual' Decision

I almost feel as if I shouldn't post this one because it involves our family so fully, but this blog is written to document the decisions and events in my journey to become the man God wants me to be, so here it is, in all its jaggedness.

The last week of prayer and meditation has been leading up to this morning.  Today was the day to make the final decision on whether to take a job that payed really well, and that would be a solution to all our financial issues, but that would take me away from home for at least fifteen months.  Below is a summary of how we made the decision.  

1.  Our children's input.  Veronica brought up the book "The Five Love Languages" yesterday when talking with Bobbie.  She had taken the test to find out her 'love language', and felt the test really was valid.  She told me today how important it was to have a family that she could fall back on when times get hard.  (Bobbie started thinking that her love language was acts of service, and that if I was away for a long time, she might start to 'feel' distant from me because her needs were not being met.) Michael did something very unusual this morning.  We just finished praying and were ready for our morning coffee and Bible reading.  He sent a FB message and said he probably had a ride up this weekend (he comes home to do laundry and play ping pong if there isn't a group in the chapel) and wanted to know if we had a group up.  Michael then probably gave the most convincing answer to our question of God's will in making this decision when he said that he had a friend he wanted to bring up.  He wanted us to spend some time interacting with her so she could see an example of a good marriage. Wow, and this came from Michael, who chooses his words carefully. And last night, we asked Jeremy directly what he thought about the decision.  He was really clear about what he felt; relationships trump everything.  They are more important than possessions, or money, or vacations or jobs...they trump everything.  One of his questions made it starkly clear that I would be leaving my family simply for more money.  And he said the relationship Bobbie and I have would suffer if we were apart.  Jessica doesn't even know about the job possibility because she has been preparing for her final nursing test today, and we didn't want her to be distracted.  p.s. - Talked with Jessica after her test.  Her response was "Every time you've interviewed for jobs away from home I've asked why. You know it won't be good for the family, especially your marriage. The retreat is getting more and more business, so why leave now?  And I agree with Jeremy, once you leave home you begin to understand how important relationships are. Not everyone has that opportunity!"   

2.  Bobbie's drive in to work this morning.  After praying and clearing her mind, the words to a song came to her mind and she sang "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you".  She took that to mean what it says, focus on God's spiritual kingdom above all!  The verse "It is not good that man should be alone" also came to her mind. Bobbie ended our phone call with the following:  I just have to remind myself that God wants me to be content with what I have, and with the situation I find myself in.  We have an amazing property, with so much infrastructure already in place.  Concerning the ministry we have here at the property, we can focus on getting the grounds and structures we already have in great shape and being used fully. The other dreams can just wait until God provides the funds.  She also said she felt God telling her that He had already told her His answer: Listen to your husband. (Great! Now the decision is back with me!)

  

3.  Bobbie and I both looked back at the years I spent away from home in Atlanta and South Carolina and realized that we were just in a holding pattern, looking forward the time when we would be together full-time.  We did not grow spiritually, and there was a sense of frustration for both of us. She said that there is no comparison to how she has felt the last two years since I've been back home.

  

4.  This morning, we read from John 3:25-36.  It stood out to me that neither Jesus or John the Baptist left their disciples to go to Egypt in order to make better money so they could build a school to teach. Jesus didn't have a place to lay His head, and John was in the wilderness.

  

5.  Last night, we discussed how none of the Christians of old who lived lives we respect (Mueller, Nee, Taylor, Finney...) left their families, and put their relationships on hold while they went to make more money so they could build better buildings.  They all focused on people...relationships, and God provided what they needed.

  

6.  We both see great opportunities in the Christian community locally.  We are challenged each time we meet with other Christians.  We believe this will only get better.

7.  I met with my friend Warren last Sunday.  In summary he said that although he didn't see anything wrong with taking the job, that he felt it would have a negative impact on our marriage.  He told me about a job decision he had made earlier in life when he was offered a promotion that would have forced his family to move.  While praying he felt as if God brought to his memory the times when he had told people how important his family was to him.  Then he felt God saying this is what you've said with your mouth, now will you live it?  He turned down the job.  He also felt the same way Jeremy did, relationships are more important than anything else in life.  

8.  Finally, I remembered back to all the times I've made decisions based on money or what I felt would be the most interesting job.  I know that my decisions must be based on spiritual criteria if they are to stand the test of time, even when it appears to me that there is an easy way to 'fix' all my pressing issues.  

In summary, we are opening a new chapter in our lives.  One where we focus on the people in the place we are instead of always looking over the horizon.  I didn't accept the job offer.  

Where the rubber meets the road

Where the rubber meets the road.

I know this is mundane stuff, but I'm using this blog to document anything related to my life as a follower of Jesus.  I'm doing this to help hold me more accountable for the way I spend my resources of time, talents, and treasure.  My prayer is that this process will help bring my entire life under the control of the Holy Spirit.  After all, if I tell people that I am a Christian, a follower of Christ, the actions in my life should reflect what I say.

The issue I'm facing right now will impact my life and those around me for over a year.  My wife and I are building a Christian retreat.  We have been in the process for years, and are making steady progress.  But, we are funding it ourselves, and 'we ain't rich'!  Last week I received a job offer for about three times the money I can make in our local area.  But it will require that I work away from home for at least 14 months.  If I take the job, we can pay off our credit card debt, build the last three structures we envision for the retreat, and I'll come back with computer programming skills I don't currently have.  Unfortunately, that would come at the cost of rarely seeing my family.  Since our youngest child started college last year, it isn't like I have to be here for the kids, but since all four will be home this summer, it would be hard not to see / work along side them.

I've always taken the easy way out in the past.  My criteria for taking a job has always been that it pay well, and be in an interesting part of the country.  I don't want to take the easy route any longer.  And, on top of that, my church is amazing!  The people are energized, supportive, and seeking to know God.  The pastor has a love for his 'flock', is willing to address difficult issues within the church, explains God's Word clearly and pointedly, and fervently desires that our city know God!  When I look at my life here, I feel I'd be an idiot to leave.  Why can't I at least be having problems with my wife?  I could then 'justify' leaving so each of us could have our 'space'. Unfortunately (fortunately!) my wife is amazing!  All the time we are together is good!  How many men can honestly say they feel that the grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence?  I can, and do.

So, the pro argument for taking the job is that: the money is very good, it will give us a lot of breathing room financially, and if I don't take this opportunity, it won't come along again.  The con argument is that I feel I'm in almost exactly the place I've always wanted to be in life.  I know, when I read this blog, I will question my sanity if I take the job.  But, making the most money, in the most interesting place, with a job I like, is what I've always done.  And old habits are hard to break.

For better or worse, I'll make and share the decision this week.

Living a more Disciplined Life.

This weekend I had the thought (or was it the Holy Spirit directing my thoughts?) that it is possible that the media: sports / social media / CNN / Drudge Report.... is filling my mind (and taking up my time) so completely that I am distracted from the real issues in the real lives around me.

So, here is my first public test.  I intend to live through the end of May on a drastic media diet.  I'll spend no more than 15 min a day reading anything media-related apart from work related items. Anytime I feel drawn to 'media', I'll use that time to pray or take some action that will fulfill Matthew 5:13-16 where Jesus states we should live in a way 'that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven'.

I'll try to post a short update at least weekly on my success / failures, but more often if I start to actually see results in my life because of these actions.

Could it be the Holy Spirit working?

I have to be true to the purpose of this blog and record what I experience, no matter how mundane it might seem to someone reading it.  And, if I don't keep a record of my days, I will forget things that might seem to be unimportant.

Today I was killing time waiting to complete a transaction for a zero-turn mower in the little town of Fort Payne, AL.  The transaction time was stretching past lunch, so I decided to eat and then check to see if the paperwork was complete.

I went to our favorite restaurant, Chow King Buffet, and when the hostess was seating me at a table I asked if they had a booth available...just because they are more comfortable.  She found one in the far back.  As I was coming back with my first plate of food, the hostess came back with a Hispanic father named Santos with his young son.  I overheard that they had wanted a booth.  I immediately said they could have mine since I hadn't started eating and I moved over to the table next to them.  Not a big thing at all, but me moving just flowed naturally, not contrived.  They waitress thanked me profusely, and I made small talk with the father.  He was from a small town nearby, and during the course of the conversation, I found out what he did for a living.  Then he told me of his past.  In 2013, three of his teenage children died in a house fire. He showed me the burns on his arm. That led to a deeper conversation.  He said it took over a year before he could gather enough motivation to start working again.  Eventually, we exchanged phone numbers, and I hope to hire him to help with cutting some trees on our property.  Oh, the little boy enjoyed climbing on the booth seats much more than I would have!

OK, nothing big, but I connected with him instead of just working on my to-do list.  We'll see how it turns out, but I pray the Holy Spirit will work in our relationship so both of us will be built up spiritually.  Also, in every stop along my way today, I had conversations; some were meaningful.  I pray the Holy Spirit will take the small connections, and make them bigger...for the glory of our Creator.  And finally, even though there was a three hour delay getting paperwork at the store where I bought the lawnmower, it didn't bother me at all.  I might even have had a God-appointed meeting.

'Seeing' with Spiritual Eyes

Maundy Thursday.

The purpose of this blog is to keep a record of my journey towards Yahweh, my Creator after determining to go 'all in' as I seek Him.  I assume that most of the entries will be the spiritual experiences that impact me, changes that I see in my life, or records of my interaction with the community around me.  Since I've never kept a blog, or even a diary, time will reveal its' benefits.

On Maundy Thursday this year, our church had a service that was remarkable in its' impact on those there.  It was simple and solemn. There was no sermon.  Just four people on stools up on the stage leading us in singing and reading scripture or an interpretation of scripture.  But somehow, it transported me to Jesus' last days on this earth.  I 'saw' Jesus standing in the midst of the chaos as He was arrested in the Garden of Gethsemane, questioned by the high priest, mocked and beaten.  When I 'saw' Jesus, I was struck by how calm He was.  I could sense He knew that this was the beginning of the process that would lead to His death by crucifixion and separation from His Father.  And yet, I 'saw' how He accepted, even embraced His suffering as being what was needed to reconstruct mankind into the image of God.  Later in the service, I 'saw' Him exhausted and stumbling down the streets carrying the very cross to which He would be nailed.  Here again, I 'saw' Him fully accepting this torture as what was needed for mankind's redemption.  Finally, as He was taken down from the cross, I could 'feel' His very skin split open from the lashes and beatings.  (Since that service, I've been able to at least picture myself accepting the plan God has for me.  I can at least 'see' myself in the midst of turmoil, knowing that Yahweh, my Creator, loves the people I'm interacting with, and that He will use whatever happens to fulfill His plan in our lives.)

As I experienced this deeper understanding of what Jesus went through, I could sense myself 'feeling' differently about everyone I would meet.  Really seeing people for who they are.  Speaking with people with the certainty of knowing the Holy Spirit would provide the words of life they needed to hear. As I'm writing this entry, I'm listening to Chip Ingram and the series "Doing Good".  He speaks of a 6'4" man that always came to church in high heels and a bright red dress. Chip states that he always made it a point to greet the man, and tell him he was really glad he was there, and that God loved him. When I heard Chip's story, I had the same 'feeling' I did on Maundy Thursday.  It drove home the point that the words Jesus spoke in Luke 4:18 really do sum up why He came and lived among us. "The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because He has anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; He has sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised, to preach the acceptable year of the Lord."

Ever since I've gotten married and had kids, I've avoided 'dangerous' people.  And I'm sure my internal judgement of those 'different' people was sensed by them.  I might have tolerated their right to be different, but I never 'felt' love towards them.  I pray that the Holy Spirit takes me where I am, with the small spark of love towards others, and that a metamorphosis will take place, changing me from a man who cares mainly about his own needs / judgements, into a man who sees people through Jesus' eyes and intervenes as He leads.

This is the second (and last) part of the paper that I've determined will serve as my guide on a quest that Jesus daily live through me. My wife and I are using the paper to live intentional lives.

The Settlement concept. That a group of like-minded individuals, who determine to abandon the American Christian Dream and embrace the life Jesus revealed through His teachings, bands together in community (not a commune!) to use their resources to bring God’s plan for life to a geographic area. Settlement members will discuss, meditate and pray until they reach clear agreement on the actions they will take to expand the Kingdom of God. In the current plan, a reasonably priced plot of land will be purchased, and building projects for small expandable cottages along with a bunkhouse / teaching facility will be started. (Carpenters for Christ or similar organizations can provide much assistance.) Although it is a community, not a commune, in order to leverage the resources each person has, many things will be held in common, and some lifestyle changes must be made. Communal items will probably include: vehicles, vegetable gardens, cooking dinners, building projects, and grounds upkeep. All Kingdom expansion projects are communal, but not necessarily with everyone participating directly. You’ll also need to cut way, way back on the normal time-wasting / life-wasting activities of watching TV, sports, movies, and surfing the internet. (Yes, if you decide to make an impact on the world through The Settlement, you must willingly make lifestyle changes. These changes must be ones you believe in. If you don’t believe in The Settlement concept, you won’t be happy, and conflict will arise.)

How the Settlement will change communities. In order to make process clearer, we’ve created an animation (not completed) which I’ll walk you through. As you’ll see, it is based on a tree’s life-cycle.

- Beginning shot of a seed planted below the soil. Above the ground we see life in America
as it currently is, with lives (trees / environment) stunted and marred by sin. The marred
environment is shown to be caused by bad actions and influences in the soil below the
stunted trees.

- The small area of soil around our seed is saturated by things like studying the Bible, our testimony about Jesus, the consistent testimony of our lives, prayer, good works produced when we begin to live as Christ’s ambassadors, our obedience…

- As the seed begins to germinate, it pushes out the bad influences in the soil directly around it. A more beautiful / productive scene emerges above ground as the soil changes from bad to good while the roots of the tree expand.

- As the tree grows, words on its trunk become visible saying “The Kingdom of God”, and words on its branches show the areas in which The Settlement members believe are the ones God would have them focus on to enlarge His Kingdom. Our good works (see Mt 5:16) in the lives of those in our community are what causes the fruit on the tree to be attractive to others. Once they taste that the fruit is good, they realize the value of the seed (Our ‘one-ness’ with Jesus produced by faith and obedience) and will choose to live with Jesus as their Lord also. With Jesus as their Lord, new believers take that seed of faith and plant it where they live, beginning the entire process again.

Current areas of focus for the first Settlement.

- Dramas. A Christian “It’s a Wonderful Life” focusing on Jesus' life instead of George Bailey's. Peter, watching from afar as Jesus suffered on the cross, turns in anguish to the other disciples and says "It would have been better if Jesus had never been born.". That is when an angel introduces cast members (the woman at the well, the Gadarene demoniac, Zacchaeus, the woman caught in adultery...), planted in the audience, who get up individually and re-enact how Jesus radically changed their lives. , other Bible-based plays

- “The Persecution” - a three day immersion weekend which helps American Christians experience what their persecuted brothers and sisters go through

- Community Outreach. Meeting the physical / spiritual / relational needs of Christians so they begin to feel they can help meet the needs of others; Repairing spiritually / emotionally damaged marriages; Marriage retreat for youth (before they start thinking of marriage), Discipleship outreach which takes a person where they are and shows them that God has provided the solution to any problem they have…i.e. – if they take this action, God promises this result; Project Life which is a program in local schools that uses a simulated life to help students understand how their education and decisions will impact the rest of their lives and transforms them into people who want to learn

- Vulnerable Children. Foster care; those aging out of foster care who still need guidance

- A year-long school that focuses on giving students the skills and spiritual maturity to make an impact in their communities and around the world. (The students will be young adults; post high school age.) It will encompass the construction skills needed to build small / economical housing, how to develop and sell vegetable, fruit and nut gardens, how to operate a commercial kitchen, and data base / web page development… It will focus on spiritual development through books like The Normal Christian Life, My Utmost for His Highest, biographies of people like Hudson Taylor, George Muller, David Brainerd, and those found in “Jesus Freaks”. The spiritual goal will be for the students to know what they believe doctrinally, and to begin living it out as they expand the Kingdom of God. After learning for nine months, the students will spend the next three months putting their skills to use. After the first four months of training, they will spend most of their weekends at churches leading Discipleship Now type programs. They will build cottages which will then be sold in order to fund the next Settlement. School graduates will often become new “Settlers” (Building new Settlements could take several years.)

Below is the first part of the paper I've determined will guide me in how I will live.  It identifies the problem my wife and I see in American Christianity, and introduces The Settlement concept.  The next post fleshes out The Settlement concept.

Moving past learning and talking about God, and living as Jesus’ disciples

After determining that the example of Christianity found in the U.S. and Europe did not resemble the life Jesus said we would live if we were His followers, my wife and I began a quest to find how that New Testament life could look if lived in 21^st century America.  We have selected six sections of the Bible that will provide the framework for our remaining years.  Along with the paper below which details “The Settlement” concept, we believe that if they are intentionally followed, they will satisfy our Creator, and in that process, satisfy us.

Six Scriptures to Guide Us: (Kind of like 'One ring to rule them all.')

It is easy to get distracted by the demands of daily life.  Hebrews 11:6 reminds us where our faith begins: “Anyone who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He rewards those who diligently seek Him.”

Since we believe God will reward us when we seek Him, what steps must we take in order to find peace with our Creator?  The most widely known verse of the Bible sums it up.  In Jn 3:16 Jesus says: “For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”

Then, in Mt 5:13-16, Jesus tells how and why His followers are to interact with the world around them:  “You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt has become tasteless, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot by men.  You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden nor does anyone light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house.  Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven.”

In Jn 15:4-5, Jesus makes it clear that our lives are like barren grape branches without His on-going presence.  Only when we live so closely connected to Him that His very life flows through us, will clusters of grapes (the fruit from our lives) begin to form on our branch.  "I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.”

In Mt 28:18-20, Jesus states we are to join Him in changing the world: “All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth. Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”

Finally, in Acts 2: 42-47, we see that ‘one-ness’ among Christians caused others to believe in Jesus’s message. (See also Jn 17:23)  “They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer…  All the believers were together and had everything in common… They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people...  And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.”

The Settlement

If we are honest with ourselves, we know that the Christian church in America is not fulfilling the mission Jesus left us with.  We aren’t fulfilling the Great Commission.  We aren’t salt and light. People around us aren’t seeing our good works and giving glory to God.  We are not radically changing the communities around us... not even the churches in the Bible Belt! And this is nothing new.  After reading the New Testament, and seeing the impact the early church had in their world, my wife and I have for several years asked ourselves: Why?  Why are our lives and impacts such a pale shadow of the dynamic, purpose-filled, Kingdom-expanding Church of the New Testament? We started asking ourselves: What changes can we make that will begin to expand the Kingdom of God in our community?  

We have come to believe that the root of the problem is that Christians in America have accepted the American Christian Life as the normal Christian life. In it, we spend our resources of time, talent, and money building a life that looks almost exactly like that of every other American family.  We buy the best houses, cars, clothes, vacations, ‘toys’, electronic gadgets and retirement plans that we can afford.  We spend our “free” time watching TV / sports, surfing the internet, playing with the kids, and playing video games or with other ‘toys’. After all this, we are active in our local church as time permits.  To fund this lifestyle we have no option other than to work as hard as we can, for as long as we can, to make the most money we can.  The demands associated with building and maintaining our own little kingdoms are so persistent that we don’t have the time to follow Jesus’ example even if we wanted to.  What we end up with is a life that looks amazingly like every other American, only a bit cleaner and nicer… while the world around us sinks further into decay.  And of course when we die, our kids divide up our little kingdoms to add to their own.  

A life reordered around the commands of Jesus will look remarkably different.  In it, our focus will be on using our resources of time, talent, and money to invest in the world around us in ways that fulfill Jesus’ commands and follow His example.  In it, we will have the time and support system needed to know God, and to start living as Jesus’ disciples.  And of course, when we die, we will hear the words “Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world!”

If we believe God is real, that the Bible is true, and that we will live with God eternally, we must change the way we live in order to reflect our belief.   The decisions we make and actions we take must testify that we believe our purpose in life is really to become more like Jesus every day, and to fulfill the mission (Great Commission) He left with us. The pivotal decision each of us must make is whet her we will continue to build little kingdoms for ourselves on earth, or whet her we will unreservedly invest our lives in building the Kingdom of God for eternity.

My wife and I have decided to move past the endless church cycle of learning / talking about God, and begin living as we say we believe.  We have decided to reorder our lives to begin expanding the influence of the Kingdom of God in our area.  Since almost everyone over the age of eighteen has already started down the road in the American Christian Life, how do you make the break from the American Christian Life to the normal Christian life?  As we discussed in the previous paragraph, we believe that it involves reordering the priority of our lives so they reflect what we say we believe. Our plan isn’t the only answer, (if you've discovered a better one please share it!) but we have a way to start.  

Our vision is for a self-replicating movement tentatively called ‘The Settlement’.  It will function like the Settlement referenced in the book “In His Steps”, and also like the early settlements that were on the American frontier.  Both of them were outposts of safety in ‘hostile’ territory. They were places where people lived a different lifestyle with different priorities than the world around them.  Both of them shared what made them different with the people they met.  They were places of community because each person depended on the others daily for support.  Both of them changed the world around them.  And that is what The Settlement will to do.